Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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