just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
