Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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