I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
