Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
