but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
