so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
