He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
