the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
