from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There are leaves in my underwear?
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