just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
