We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
