just tell him i said nine months
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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