i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize