I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
