This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Damn victory sex feels great
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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