from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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