Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
