Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
