i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
