i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
