Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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