So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I look better un-naked...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
