3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So vagazzling was a success
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize