my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
