I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
