yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
