i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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