I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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