the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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