i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize