So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
