A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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