If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
