garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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