no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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