Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So many bounce houses so little time
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
