too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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