I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
