Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
