is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
