Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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