I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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