Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
