i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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