he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
