what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
