So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
