Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
