My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
