My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
