I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
