do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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