You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
3 2 1 whiskey
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize