Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
