So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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