He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i need some magic done to my vagina
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
