WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize