you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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