Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
