Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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