dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i have herpe
just one?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
