I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
