what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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