neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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