don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
vagina is talking i cant
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
