Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
