AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
