If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize