I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
