apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
