she was so not down for the gang bang
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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